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You are here: Home / Archives for parenting

parenting

05/14/2015 By Jason Bean Leave a Comment

Parenting From the Sidelines

soccer-goal

Being the parent of a young athlete brings with it a barrage of emotions.  Unparalleled pride when they get excited, fear that they'll get hurt, sadness whey they lose and even anger when you think they have been treated unfairly.  Add to that the tough job of teaching your child to be a humble winner and a gracious loser and it's no wonder so many parents end up taking things too far.  If you are going to be a parent on the sidelines, it's important that you learn how to keep your own emotions in check.  Remember:  It's just a game.  It's supposed to be fun for everyone.

Many times, the intense sideline parents who continually shout "coaching" (which can morph into angry rants) from the sidelines end up causing undue pressure on their kids and the sports becomes no longer fun.  Kids' sports are supposed to be fun, so if you are going to be a spectator at your kid's games, be exactly that:  A spectator.  There are no professional sports scouts in the audience, armed with a multi-million-dollar contract, ready for your child's signature.

Although it's certainly OK to be encouraging and to want your child to put in an effort into what they are doing, your love for your child can lead you to behave in ways that are only going to put pressure on your child.  That can lead them to struggle with feelings of not living up to your high expectations, which can deal a blow to their self-esteem.  Hurtful sideline behaviour comes in many forms.  Let's take a look at what these behaviours look like in practice.

Focusing on your own feelings:  Often, there is a tendency to let your own feelings overshadow your child's.  For example, if you've always wanted to see your child play goalie, you may push her to do it even if it's not something she wants

Projecting into the future:  From the time your child straps on his first pair of skates, many parents have visions of their child making millions of dollars in the NHL.  It's important to understand that your child is just a child, and to live in the moment.  Enjoy watching your child today, without wasting time thinking about tomorrow.

Expecting a return on your investment:  You have paid money for your child to participate in their activities.  You leave work early to get them to their games on time.  Those sacrifices can make some parents subconsciously expect their child to show results in return for that investment.  Remember, though:  Your child does not owe you results because you signed them up for an activity they enjoy.  Their only job is to do their best and have fun.

Competition with other parents:  There is a fine line between wanting your child to be the best he can be and wanting your child to be better than another parent's child.  Friendly competition and sportsmanship are great; hoping for another child to fail so yours can shine isn't.

So, the next time you are sitting in a folding chair on the soccer pitch, on a cold steel bleacher or trying to keep warm in a hockey arena while you watch your child indulge their hobby, remember:  It's just a game.  Win or lose, your child is learning the skills of the game, as well as life skills like co-operation, teamwork, sportsmanship and responsibilities.  But above all, they are having fun!  And that is the most important thing.  Leave your personal dreams and aspirations for your child's professional sports career aside and simply enjoy the game.

If you enjoy football and would like to read about SEC football teams, please visit gamedayr.com.

Filed Under: Sports Tagged With: coaching, Little League, parenting, soccer moms, sports

06/03/2011 By Jason Bean Leave a Comment

74 Times Inconsiderate

Ethan Meets Jason Jaramillo of the Indianapolis IndiansMy family and I were able to take in an Indianapolis Indians baseball game last night. It was part of my son’s baseball league event and there was a little baseball clinic that the Indians coaches and players did that allowed the kids to come out on the field and practice various skills with the players.

With all of that going on there was obviously a proliferation of kids in the stands.

My patience was waning.

From the point I started counting, the kids in front of us got up from their seats and tried to exit their row 74 times. This required a tall friend of ours to get up every time. The kids got up to ask their parents (sitting a row ahead and on the opposite end) questions, go to the bathroom, talk to someone else and who else knows what for all of those events.

Are the parents paying attention? Do they care?

At one point if I thought to myself that if my son were talking to me and giving me the looks this boy was giving his dad, the game would be over and there would be a list of other removals of privileges and perks from his life. One particular demand from the boy, in a stern voice, with face  tightened and teeth bare he said “GET ME SOME FOOD!” The boy would have been lucky to eat another morsel of food the rest of the day if he were mine.

I’m not really a fan of people telling other people how to parent their kids, but man was this unacceptable behavior.

Am I wrong? Should I have said something directly to the kid? To the parents?

Perhaps I should post this question on the Indy Dads website.

Help me out folks.

Photo: Picture taken by Indians staff photographers and shared for free from their website. Very cool service!

Filed Under: Personal Tagged With: baseball, dads, fathers, Indianapolis Indians, Jason Jaramillo, parenting, Victory Field

06/02/2011 By Jason Bean 1 Comment

Are You a Dad or Just a Father

I’m a man.

I’m a father. I assisted in bringing two fantastic kids into this world.

Am I a dad? I sure like to think so.

You see, the difference in my opinion is that a father can be as little as a sperm donor or authority figure. A dad is a collection of actions wrapped in love to make this world great for your kids and to bring them up as best you can. I don’t think dads (and moms for that matter) should consider it a goal to be their kid’s BFF (best-friend-forever), a dad (and mom) should be so much more than that for your kids.

Am I being a dad? I try. You’ll have to ask my kids what they think.

I’m definitely in need of improvement in various areas. I’m trying.

The challenge these days can be to find a good role model for being a father. Many times what we find on TV these days related to fathering is a bumbling imbecile that has no authority in the house and no respect from his kids or his wife. That’s not the image we need to be striving for in our homes. Sometimes the other end of the spectrum is what we see: abusive, over-bearing, distant and abrasive. Not a good image either.

We need to be better. But who did we have as examples?

Who was your favorite TV dad? Who should be given the head-nod for their portrayal of being a dad and an appropriate father-figure for us as we were growing up? The first dad that comes to mind for me is Bill Cosby as Heathcliff Huxtable on The Cosby Show.

The Man of the House website is having a contest now that lets you vote for the World’s Greatest TV Dad. After visiting the site myself, there’s some good competition and lots of reminders about the dads I’ve grown-up with on TV all these years ago.

Who did you vote for? Why?

I’d love to hear your comments about how father’s are portrayed on TV. How has that impacted your fathering style? If you’re not a dad (perhaps a child or a wife/mother), what do you look for in your own dad? The father of your children?

Disclaimer: I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Dad Central Consulting on behalf of P&G and received promotional items to thank me for taking the time to participate.

Filed Under: Personal Tagged With: #DadsTalking, dad, Dads Talking, father, Man of the House, parenting, Worlds Greatest TV Dad

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