This post is Part 2 of a guest post written by Amy Halleran, who I met online awhile back through twitter. I asked who might be interested in writing a little guest post and she was one of the first to respond and provide me her article. I think you’ll enjoy it. Let us know what you think in the comments. Perhaps we can convince Amy to write again for us in the future. If you missed Part 1 of Amy’s post, you can catch-up here.
I am all for Googling a date, as long as two basic protocols are observed:
#1 Google for the highlights, not the details.
- See a LinkedIn reference. Scan the top page. Is he an accountant, a musician or a nanny? There is no need to look up the company in Standard & Poor to see financial statements. However it will confirm the truth you may already know about his job and/or help you think of some great conversation starters.
- Blogs are a great place to really get the 411. But there is a dark side to this. Reading through several years or even months of blog posts can take away a bit of the dating magic. Part of the fun of dating is discovering each other. Peeling back the layers to get to know and understand the person underneath the public persona. If you read it all, not only is it a bit stalkerish, but you take away from the mystery and joy of dating. If, and only if, they tell you about their blog and encourage you to read it, should you give it a second glance. But be forewarned… Reading someone’s personal online diary creates a sense of false intimacy. This can potentially change your behavior around that person and disrupt the natural flow.
#2 Be honest about it, but don’t over-share.
- First, don’t lie about it if they ask. It’s a known fact for anyone who puts their information out on the web that it is a permanent public record. If they don’t want anyone to know anything about them, there won’t be anything to find.
- Second, acknowledging it is not a reason to over-share. If you followed the guidelines above you should be ok. But just remember how weird it will look if you talk about it in detail on the date. Oops! Do we need to reroll that footage from The Bachelor when one of the girls spilled out the details on him AND his entire family because she had been stalking him on Facebook? Yes, she actually used the word ‘stalker’ herself.
This is my bottom line, I Google to screen people. I’m looking for the red flags that would lead me to avoid dating someone. I’m a single mom and feel the need to be cautious about the people I interact with for my children’s sake. Quite frankly, I have uncovered a lot by typing in a name. For instance, the guy who asked me out at church turned out to have a Meet Up profile showing interest in meeting other swingers and investigating the impact of alternative lifestyles on young kids. Mind you, this was someone I was attracted to and felt comfortable with because we had spoke a couple times at church and around town. Had I went out with him, who knows how long it would have taken for him to broach that subject with me. I never returned his phone calls.
For obvious reasons, I think screening a date is a good thing. Realistically, we’ve been doing it for years, this is just a new methodology. Let’s hope you are doing it for the right reasons and use your knowledge sparingly and with respect. Always remember, chances are you were Googled too!