You absolutely must read this post by a fellow blogger friend from his website, Jeffreaux’s World.
I’ve included the full-text below as well, because if you’re like me you hate having to click through to another site to get the full-story, and although I love Paul Harvey, I don’t want to have wait or go somewhere else for “…the rest of the story”!
The Deferred Success of a Crossbar Proximity Malfunction
July 20th, 2005
The PC police are at it again. This time they?re fighting failure. Not their own failure. They?re fighting the word failure. Or more specifically the word ?fail.? It seems that the Professional Association of Teachers (PAT) feels that ?fail? is bad. Bad enough, they?ve decided, that it should be banned from the classroom. In place of fail, they would like teachers to start using the more cuddly term, ?deferred success.?You didn?t fail you exam Johnny. You?ve only experienced deferred success. The good news is that if you continue experiencing deferred success, we?re going to defer the 5th grade so that you can continue experiencing deferred success in the 4th grade. During your extended stay in the 4th grade, you?ll experience increasing likelihood that your career path will be filled with many deferred promotions as you facilitate the dinner objectives of citizens who?s agenda requires them to visit the drive-through or ?alternative food reception? window.
How bad is the PC movement? A couple of years ago my friends had their furnace stolen from a new house they were building. Did the police report call it a theft or burglary? No they called it ?an unscheduled removal.?
Being sports minded and generally sarcastic to a fault, I?ve decided to preempt the PC police and try to bring ?sensitivity? to the playing field. With that in mind here is my new PC sports glossary:
In order to protect the feelings of pitchers, a ?ball? will be an ?unrealized strike,? a walk-off home run will be ?participating in a dramatic ending,? and a blown save will be ?active participation in a lead change.?
To protect the hitters, a strike out will be a ?hit-free plate appearance,? getting caught stealing a base will become ?a base advancement postponement,? and hitting into a double-play will become a ?bone headed waste of an?? oops sorry, that was the insensitive me coming out. The PC term will be ?Multiple returns to dugout event.?
Baseball isn?t the only sport needing a little PC?n up. In football, a dropped pass will be a ?deferred reception.? A missed field goal will become a ?crossbar proximity malfunction.? A missed tackle will be an ?unplanned contact result,? and a fumble will become a ?possession release.?
Basketball will see the ?foul? turn into a ?referee?s subjective but not absolute, because heaven forbid we acknowledge even the slight possibility that there are absolutes even though sane people absolutely believe 2+2 equals 4, interpretation of the rulebook.? A player ejection will become an ?extended invitation to visit the locker room.? A missed shot will be a ?trajectory miscalculation.?
In order to promote a tolerance from the fans, all uniforms of all sports teams will be the same color. Terms such as ?offense? and ?defense? will be replaced with ?ball possessing participants? and ?non-ball possessing participants.? And finally, all sporting events will henceforth end in a tie and the planting of a tree.
Carry on Citizens!